I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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