I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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