So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
