And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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