It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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