please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
