he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Your cock deserves a montage
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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