so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
