Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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