You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
