i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
smell my finger.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
