My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
