oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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