he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
