Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
