She's JV to your varsity
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
