If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
