This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
