It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
