I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
