They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
a search helicopter?!
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
