Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
