The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
