I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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