shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
