Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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