I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
