The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
