i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
