Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
