woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
