I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Randomize
