Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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