then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
