Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
