So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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