We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
