the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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