Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
