i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
