WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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