I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
