she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
