I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
