After last night, I could never be a politician.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Bring me that man meat
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
