I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
