I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
