I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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