Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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