I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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