he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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